good ol' gramma

so i spent the weekend visiting two law schools with my momma. four flights, seven hours of driving, exploring two law schools and the surrounding towns, and four pounds gained from all that delicious southern food. i had a great time, but i'm exhausted. i LOVED the first school. found an apartment, bought some festive apparel. i could have gone home right then and there. i was sold. and then we went to the second school. the one i've been dreaming about since i was FOURTEEN. it was beautiful. and now i really don't know which one i love more. i thought i was going to make some decisions this weekend, but i didn't.

i started panicing (which is basically my default setting). and when i panic, i do this thing where i basically ramble on and on to anyone who will listen. i may make sense during this babble or i may be completely incoherent. depends on how frantic i am. i did this to my sister, my mother, perhaps a couple of friends. on our way home we called my grandma from the airport. she was in the shower when we called but for some reason, she answered anyways. in her haste to get off the phone, (for understandable reasons) i thought she wasn't interested in my whole law school dilemma. she told me to pray about it and got off the phone. the next day i found out that she did in fact care aLoT.

i called my grandma today to talk about law school. i didn't know what to say because i wasn't sure how much she would even know about the topic. but i called her. i think i underestimate grams sometimes. i see her as the woman who makes me baked goods and lets me watch jeopardy with her in her room. takes me out to dinner and lets me go on and on (and on) about my life. but there's a whole other side to me gma. she is a BuSiNeSs woman. one smart lady. you don't become a millionaire by accident. so i get on the phone. i tell my grandma that the trip didn't help me to make any decisions. she asks me if i've prayed about it. i say yes. she says, "no, how you REALLY prayed about it? given it OVER to God?" i say i don't know (only because i don't want to disapoint my grandma by telling her that i definitely haven't.) and Grandma goes on to give me the best and most comforting advice that i've gotten about law school so far.

she asks me enough questions to understand my situation. you know, where i've applied, where i've gotten in, prices, dates, etc. she tells me that it's a time to be really excited but also really careful about any decisions that i make. she tells me to make the small deposit to keep my spot at the sure thing, but that i need to go for what i want (i think her wording was that i should take what i want-loved it) and that i never know what's coming in the mail tomorrow or if my dream school will offer me a scholarship or something like that. she gives me a little bit more advice, tells me to call whenever i want, reminds me that she loves me and gets off the phone. and i really do feel better.

as i process this conversation throughout the afternoon, i am almost brought to tears by the conversation (i definitely got a little choked up at one point). here's the thing. my family is a hot mess. i'm not just saying that. it's true. all kinds of crazy has happened. disfunctional is like way too mild and nice to describe the situation. i've actually kind of distanced myself from that side of the family lately for my own mental health. but the conversation with grandma not only helped me to make a good decision, it reminded me that people do change. the change for my grandma really has been her faith in God. she's forgiven people. i think she's let go of some anger. she's so pleasant. and she has so much wisdom. and it just reminded me that God really is working on us. our family. (we are after all a unit) we're a mess and some of us are in the process of becoming better people and some of us aren't, and most days i don't see any change at all, but slowly, over time, God is DOING something. sometimes you get solid reminders of that. like my conversation with gma. i owe her.